An Open Letter To The Capital One Bowl
Dear Capital One Bowl, Well hey there. We’re Northwestern. Never heard of us before? That’s okay, we’re pretty new to the “relevant” part of college football town. We heard you were thinking about...
View ArticleIs Mississippi State To Blame For The Titanic Sinking?
Last week, we published our first investigation into what role NU Football’s bowl opponent Mississippi State played in a historical tragedy: The Kennedy Assassination. This week we continue our...
View ArticlePhil Jackson Announces Intent Not To Coach Northwestern
EVANSTON- Phil Jackson issued a statement Thursday night saying “in the strongest possible terms” that the legendary former Chicago Bulls and Los Angeles Lakers coach has “absolutely no interest” in...
View ArticleSamwise Donkenstein’s Preseason Top 5 Feelings About This Year
It is my own misfortune, and indeed the misfortune of many reading this article, to have (mostly) unwittingly chosen a life of suffering and self-torture. I can’t ask for sympathy, I did this to...
View ArticleCalling All Fans: A Pep Talk For The NU Football Season
When you step foot on campus this fall, remember that you are here for only one reason. You’re not here to pass Orgo (not gonna happen regardless), you’re not here to rage at The Keg (I’m sorry, that...
View ArticleAdministration To NUCuisine Workers: “Don’t Get Any Ideas”
EVANSTON, Ill.– Following the news that players on the Northwestern football team have filed a petition to unionize, the school’s administration told cafeteria workers Tuesday “not to pay any attention...
View ArticleAverage NU Student to Watch One Full Quarter of Cal Game from Family’s Living...
lol there's a football game?
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